Worry Loops

   I think I first recognized my tendency for anxious, circular thinking in late elementary school, like maybe 8 years old. I remember a couple specific loops, one having to do with washing my hands before eating...did I do it well enough? did I mess them up in the three minutes between washing them and dinner time? lemme washing them again, just to be sure. 
   That was the only neurotic behavior that I've heard my parents say they were worried about. At some point the hand-washing-loop disappeared, or slowly dissolved, or was dislodged by other, less specific worry loops. Most of my loops were and still are vague and moral. I was a very scrupulous kid.
   One of my current worry loops is Donald Trump. In fact I think Donald Trump + twitter + 24 hour "breaking" news has created a national worry loop. Maybe it's better labeled as obsession.

• "Obsessions: Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance as intrusive and inappropriate, and that cause marked anxiety and distress.

Is that not cable news? Is that not the collective response to Donald Trump or Donald Trump-detractors? It's out of control. Has there ever been anything like this before on such a large scale? Trump complains but he isn't really complaining, he loves the attention. He is obsessed with himself along with the rest of us.

Here are things I think about him, way too often. Maybe writing them down will excise them? Or abate them? I doubt it. My most helpful remedies for worry loops, generally, are 1) prayer/meditation/breathing exercises, 2) do something very involved, like play the piano, 3) go outside and look around.

• I can understand why Christians would vote for him, but why do so many Christians enthusiastically endorse him?
• He personally and publicly insults people, regularly.
• He insults the character (not just the opinions) of groups of people, regularly (immigrants, liberals, the media, foreign countries, etc).
• He lies, regularly.
• He exaggerates, regularly.
• He attempted to deter immigrants from crossing the border by taking the children away from those who did cross.
• He has drastically reduced our refugee acceptance rate to its lowest ever since the programs inception in 1980, arguing that we should help the refugees settle somewhere closer to their home, while simultaneously attempting to slash our foreign aid budget.
• He is on record multiple times speaking about his disrespect, objectification, and harassment of women.
• He seems to show no remorse.
• The only time I know of that he ever apologized for any of the things he's said or done was in response to the release of his taped conversation with Billy Bush. And in that very apology, he quickly deflected the spotlight on his sin and pivoted to an attack on the Clinton's (who have their own sins to account for, but the point is - Trump seems to care only if 1) he's caught and 2) it greatly affects his image).
• Money, influence, prestige, good looks, and ratings - these are his markers for success, his key goals. He proclaims them regularly, and his actions display them. His life has been based on them. Look, I don't know him, and I don't know his relationship with God, but it seems reasonable to say he doesn't care very much about the things Jesus cared about.
• Other things frequently on my mind
• He turned so quickly against Jeff Sessions, his biggest supporter in the Senate during his campaign.
• He praises the military but disrespects the service of veterans who criticize him.
• He makes policy statements out of the blue and with little to no explanation.
• A handful of top leaders in his campaign are going to jail.
• He loves tariffs, and continually asserts that Americans aren't paying for them. I don't mind tariffs, per say, but why must he lie about them?
• He says cruel things about immigrants and orders cruel things done to them.
• He regularly propagates the non-factual idea that hispanic immigrants are more violent and criminal than American citizens; that refugees and asylum seekers present a greater security risk than American citizens.
• He wants to coerce China into fair and honest dealings with U.S. companies - that's great! but why ditch the TPP so quickly? Why kick the EU in the shins? Why not team up with others to pressure China?
• He lambasts NAFTA and then updates it with USCMA like its some sort new discovery.
• He picks people to run the EPA that don't like the EPA.
• He shrugs off climate change like it's a rumor.
• Make America Great Again? That may be the most racist slogan ever used in a presidential campaign. How could that ever apply to Black people, or any people of color? did the campaign leaders not think about that? or not care? or do they honestly believe that America's economic power and expansion had nothing to do with slavery and racist, anti-Indian policy?
• How could he say, on live TV, in front of the world, contradicting all his intelligence, that he doesn't know why it would be Russia that waged a online campaign to sway the election?
• He says he cares about the American worker, but he doesn't seem to care about labor organizing. Capital, investment, and ownership can move around the world and across borders much more easily than labor (as he has demonstrated with his own business dealings). Investors and executives can grab the ears of legislators all over the world, but individual laborers can't. 
• He's skeptical and critical of globalism and "free" trade, and I appreciate that. But he approaches the problem in such a promotional, salesman, superficial way. Promoting American industry is great; but what about substantial change? The lower classes, as individual workers and consumers, have so much less freedom in the local and global markets than the upper classes. Most people know that intuitively. But people forget just how much leverage and how many protections have been won by the labor and consumer movements (not to say they haven't abused their power at times, too).